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Star Wars Rebels
Star Wars Rebels is a TV Show aimed at young children, but Adults everywhere are being are being told that this show is "Great" and that it is "better than the Prequels" Via subliminal messages administered by Disney. So now Adults everywhere are praising this show like its something great. The show was initiannly created by the Certified Destroyer of Continuity and Franchises Dave Filoni but production of Rebels was taken over by Disney because the show was not Kid friendly enough for Disney. Set Five years before episode 4 the show follows a group of 2 teenagers and 3 young adults smuggling things past the Imperials who are portrayed as idiots and generic school yard bullies. These people call themselves Rebels but in reality they are nothing more than Terrorists killing innocent Imperial citizens and soldiers. These Terrorists inhabit a really backwater Planet called Lothal. These people do not leave the Planetary System of Lothal very much. Star Wars Rebels has earned many awards The image to the left shows several of the Awards. Season 1 Synopsis The Show opens on an extremely backwater planet called Lothal , in fact it’s so backwater that If you asked someone on Coruscant about the Planet they would just look at you like "WTF bro are you on Spice ?". There is only one City on the planet and it is called Capital City. So Ezra is in the city stealing from the Empire when his Spidey Sense starts to tingle (I refuse to acknowledge he can use the Force ) and so does Kanan’s. Kanan and his group of friends are also stealing from the Empire in the city and Ezra ends up stealing the shit Kanan and his friends had just stolen from the Empire , so a chase ensues and they end up on Speeder bikes and they run around in the city then they exit the city and thats when a Tie Fighter starts chasing them but they get saved by Kanans friends who are flying their ship called The Ghost. After that Kanan finds out thatEzra BridgerEzra has Spidey Sense and takes him on his apprentice and so now Ezra is part of a band of Smugglers/Pirates/Terrorists who prey on the Empire. And that is what the show is about Kanan teaching Ezra about his Spidey Sense as well as stealing shit from the Empire. Later on in the show they take to becoming Terrorists who destroy Imperial ships and kill hundreds of innocent Imperial citizens. Main Characters (Good Guys): Ezra Bridger Ezra Bridger is the Reincarnation of Aladdin from the Disney movie Aladdin. In Rebels this kid lives on the street because his parents were stupid and tried to rebel against the Empire so they were taken away and most likely brutally murdered. Ezra is angry at the Empire because of it, For some reason Ezra can use the Force his ability to use the Force is minimal and if he had lived in the days of the Republic he would have most likely not been accepted into the Jedi Order. Jeb Orrelios Is some sort of Mutant Wookiee thing, who closely resembles the Missing Link from Monster VS Aliens. Chopper Is an ancient Astromech Droid who is a douche to everyone and quite frankly is of little to no use to anyone. Add to that the fact that he is a Pervert that records his female colleagues when they get undressed or when they take a shower. Hera Syndulla Is an ex-Twi’lek Stripper from Nar Shadada who was addicted to various forms of Spice. Little else is known about her. Kanan Jarrus Is an ex-Jedi who was only trained up to Padawan level because of Order 66 . Kanan was trained by a hologram of Depa Bilaba because at the time she was in a Coma, Kanan was not a very good student and he would most likely never graduated to the rank of Jedi Knight . Sabine Wren Is a 15 year old "Mandalorian " who is addicted to Huffing Spray Paint. She thinks she is a badass of some sort but really all she does is kill her brain cells by getting high on paint fumes and spray paint other peoples property making those people have to pay large amounts of money to have her vandalism removed, she also likes to terroristically bomb Imperial property. Main Characters (Bad Guys): Agent Kallus Is an Agent for the Imperial Security Bureau or ISB for short (The ISB is like the Star Wars version of the FBI/CIA), Unfortunately Kallus was the worst Agent in the ISB, they sent him out to catch the idiots running around on lothal. Any normal ISB Agent could have captured those idiots within a week. Kallus is such an idiot that he cant even shave his face properly. The Inquisitor Is a Dark Side Force user who is tasked with hunting down Jedi and killing them. Unfortunately he did not follow his masters training so he is not really a threat to anyone. In fact he has yet to even put a scratch on Kanan or Ezra. He also has an utterly ridiculous Lightsaber that could not possibly function in any reality other than imagination land "where you fart when you burp and you burp when you fart!", his Lightsaber is supposed to compensate for his lack of fighting skills, which eventually leads to him decapitating himself with his own Lightsaber . Stormtroopers These guys were once great and effective Soldiers during the days of the Republic , back then they were called Clone Troopers. But when the Republic became an Empire their Soldiers almost immediately became incompetent idiots, but not for any logical reason. Secondary Characters: Lando Calrissian Is a real cool dude but in the show he owns a Farm along with some sort of Space Pig thing that will go all Puffer Fish when it hears loud noises. Fortunately for Lando though he had Relations with Hera and Sabine . R2-D2 And C-3PO Are two droids one is Protocol droid and the other is an Astromech droid. They are used as special guests in a feeble attempt to get Original Trilogy Fanboys to watch this pathetic show. Luminara Unduli She a Jedi Master during the Clone Wars . In Rebels she is dead and used as bait to capture those two idiot “jedi”. It works but they don’t stay captured for very long because the Imperials on Lothal are fucking idiots. Wilhuff Tarkin Is the greatest Canon military genius in Star Wars, unfortunately his genius is dumbed down to service the pathetic plot in Rebels. Ahsoka Tano Is a 30 year old female Togruta who was the Padawan of Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars , at the time she was only 15. She is Dave Filoni’s ultimate fantasy and many Fanboys love to Circle Jerk to this once Underage Character… WTF Moments Sabine Is a Mandalorian! Sabine Wren is being called a Mandalorian not because she is actually a Mandalorian but because she wears Mandalorian Armor and she’s sort of good in a fight and she likes to blow things up. Sabine is actually just a rebellious Teenager who Graffiti’s peoples shit, clearly she has no respect for other people’s property. The Inquisitors Lightsaber ! So this pretend Sith guy has this Lightsaber , but its not like a normal Lightsaber . This Lightsaber has spinning blades and a section that can be removed and used as Frisbee (for recreational purposes im guessing). If Lightsabers could be Retarded then this is what they would look like! (Side Note: Apparently this is the standard Lightsaber design for all Imperial Inquisitors.) You can read more about his Lighsaber here Ezra Gets A Lightsaber Crystal! So get this there is like a Jedi Temple thing on Lothal where Jedi Masters would bring there Padawans to face the Jedi Trials. Can you spell “Convenient”? And guess what Kanan takes that child there and the child gets a Lightsaber Crystal there. That is some Fucking Ridiculously unbelievably Convenient Bull Shit… Special Guests! The first Season of Rebels has 13 Episodes and in roughly 7 of those episodes are appearances by characters from the Original Trilogy and The Clone Wars . There is nothing wrong with having special guests but they are over doing. Its almost as if they don’t think this show can survive on its own so they are mooching viewers with all these special guests. And now it is confirmed that there will be more characters from The Clone Wars and the Original Trilogy in the Second Season. Apparently no one can catch these people! Not the local Imperials, Not the local Govenor, not the Special ISB Agent, Not the Imperial Jedi Hunter Inquisitor person, Not the top military Officer responsible for the entire outer rim territories with almost unlimited resources at his disposal, Not Lord Vader the second most powerful Sith in the entire Universe EVER and certainly not these two new Inqusitiors. And its not like these Rebels go very far from Lothal either because they don't. Episodes (You can help out by expanding this Section) 1. Spark of Rebellion Part 1 & 2 3. Droids in Distress 4. Fighter Flight 5. Rise of the Old Masters 6. Breaking Ranks 7. Out of Darkness 8. Empire Day 9. Gathering Forces 10. Path of the Jedi 11. Idiot's Array 12. Vision of Hope 13. Call to Action 14. Rebel Resolve 15. Fire Across the Galaxy Season 2 You can read about Shit to come in Season 2 here Confirmed Crap in Season 2 Darth Vader More Lando Calrissian 2 New Inquisitors More Ahsoka CURGI2/Captain Rex and 2 other Clones from TCW Hondo Ohnaka Midget Mon Calamari A Mutha Fuckin Jaws Ripoff (Here is the video to confirm) External Links Star Wars Rebels Sucks The Facebook Page Star Wars Rebels Sucks The YouTube Channel Star Wars Rebels Junk on Moviepilot Category:Worst TV Show Ever Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever